Wednesday, April 3, 2013

CHRISTIAN TOASTING .......................... OR NOT

DEAR READER,

I'M NOT SURE YOU'D GET SOME OF THESE IF YOU'RE NOT A CHRISTIAN. ANYWAYZ FOR WANT OF WHAT TO POST, HERE'S A NUMBER OF PICKUP LINES FOR YOUR RUTH.......... OR SARAH .................. OR EVE. LOL

BREAK UP TOO. ENJOY ................

Now I know why Solomon had 700 wives... Because he never met you.
For you I would slay two Goliaths
You float my ark.
I didnt believe in predestination until tonight.
The word says 'Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry'; how about dinner?(Nobody should try this on me)
I know its absurd, but every time I walk towards you, it feels like im being lead to bethlehem.
My spiritual gift is my good looks... it lifts peoples spirits
You are so unblemished that I would sacrifice you.
You are perfect, except with all the sin.
I went on a beach mission but all I ended up doing was mission you.
Is this the transfiguration.. because you are glowing
I used to believe in natural theology, but since I met you I've converted to divine revelation
Bathsheba had nothing on you
Mark Driscoll takes up 35% of my ipod memory.
Bible-Gateway happens to be my homepage.
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead
How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
How would you like to join my Purpose Driven Life?
If you say no, I will rip out my hair and my beard
Unfortunately I cant perform miracles and I've only got enough bread and fish for 2 people.
It's obvious to me that you sprouted from the good kinda soil.
I believe one of my ribs belongs to you.
I just don't feel called to celibacy.
I'm a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you're a proverbs 31 kinda woman...
If we were around with Noah... then you, me... pair.
Let me sell you an indulgence because it's a sin to look as good as you do.
I'm pretty much considered an elder in the congregation these days
Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.
When I read philippians 4:8, I think about you.
I would leave 99 sheep to come and find you... and then I would carry you home joyfully on my shoulder
Look, you're nearly 22. Most christians are 3 years into marriage by now... just settle for me.
You make me want to be a better Christian.
You make the Queen of Sheba look like a hobo.
Do you need prayer? because I am certainly willing to lay hands on you.


“I would part the Red Sea for you.” It’s the Bruno Mars of Christian pick up lines.
“What’re you doing for the rest of your afterlife?” Hashtag #raptureromance..
“10% of me is 100% certain that I can give you 10% of my heart forever.” This is to be used only during tithe and offering time and is so confusing it just may work.
“Let’s be like Noah and do this as a pair.” Solid. Gold.
“You must be Egyptian because I’m a slave for you.” It’s Britney meets B.C.
“You and me, we’re like loaves and fishes…we just might be a miracle.”.
“Do you want to be accountability partners?” Oldest trick in the book.
“On first dates, I always take girls to get BBQ ribs. It feels the most biblical considering they came from one.” This one is super impressive.
“I know you’ve already said no once, but call me Joshua because I’m going to break down your walls.” I think any woman would love to be referred to as Jericho.
“I’m no Joseph, but I’m having trouble interpreting the dreams I’ve been having about you.” As long as you don’t mention skinny or fat cows, you should be golden. Wait, no golden cows either.
“I don’t know if you noticed but, when you walked into the room, that was me giving up a clap offering.” Points for enthusiasm.
“I may not have a job right now, and I may live in my parent’s basement, but I swear to you I’m storing up treasure in heaven and my mansion is gonna rock.” If this doesn’t get her, nothing else will


Bathsheba had nothing on you.”
“Hello. I am Joshua. How many times do I have to walk around you to make you fall for me?
"Hey. I'm Will. Gods will."
" How would you like to join my purpose driven life ?
‘Is it hot in here or is that just the Holy Spirit burning inside of you!’
‘You know that Bible says it’s not good for man to be alone, and lately, I’ve been feeling lonely. Want to be Biblical?’
‘i’ve been reading the Book of Numbers, and I just noticed I didn’t have yours!’
‘nice bible’
‘If you were a leper…I would still hold your hand’
And some of them are actually cute and/or funny without being offensive.
“I’m a proverbs 32 kind of guy and you’re a proverbs 31 kinda woman…”
“Let me sell you an indulgence because it’s a sin to look as good as you do.”
“Me. You. Song of Songs: the remix.”
I would bring your father twelve-hundred Philistine foreskins for just one date with you.
When I read philippians 4:8, I think about you
What's your name and number so I can add you to my "prayer" list?
I don't see it, but some people think I look like Samson
I just don't feel called to celibacy
Are you cold ? Maybe we should read Ecclesiastes 4:11.
Are you a preacher? ‘Cause I’d respond to your altar call ANY DAY.
Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Gilead
When I saw you, I knew the true meaning of "rejoice and be glad.


"i would go through more than Job for you"
"shall we tithe?"
"i believe one of my ribs belongs to you."
"i can be your Boaz."
"i sacrifice my sunday mornings to look after the creche group. its tough... but i love children.
. "is this the transfiguration.. because you are glowing"
"hey.. i would work 7 years for your sister.. And work 7 more years for you."
"marry me."
"can I buy you a non-alcoholic beverage?"
"did i just have mud rubbed in my eyes?"
"bathsheba had nothing on you"
"you put the 'cute' back in persecution...''
"so, can i clothe you in righteousness?"
"if you say no, im going to tear my clothes, get in my sackcloth and rub dust into my head.."
"unfortunately i cant perform miracles and ive only got enough bread and fish for 2 people."
"so, my parents are home, you wanna come over?"
"let me remove my sandals before I come any closer.."
"lets say, hypothetically, you were married. I would send your husband to the front line against the Amorites"
"feel free to meet me at the threshing floor."
. "you can lie at my feet.."
"i know its absurd, but every time i walk towards you, it feels like im being lead to bethlehem."
"welcome to the christian family... the only family where brothers and sisters can marry each other"
i did a love tester on your name and mine.. it came back 'predestined'"
"you can come crash at mine tonight. i have a separate room prepared."
"You really have to watch out for that man of lawlessness, but don't worry, I'm not him. You are safe with me"
"It would be my honor to present you spotless on the last day."
when i read philippians 4:8, i think about you
who's your favorite apostle?"
"have you died before? because that looks like a resurrection body to me.."
"you make me want to be a better Christian."
"i will never give you reason to hammer a tent peg through my skull."
"You are a Galatians 5 fruit salad. Youve got all d fruits of d spirit"
"shotgun."
"the perseverance of the saints is well illustrated by the amount of time I spend talking to you."
"the Lord Jesus was into carpentry. Im doing an apprenticeship
I know a church where we could go and talk
How about a hug, sister ?
Your Bible looks heavy. Need help ?
(Girls) you put d stud in bible study




DUMPING
I'm sorry, I've found someone more spiritual.
I'm sorry, it's just not God's will.
I feel called to the ministry_very soon and very far from you as soon as possible.
I'm sorry, it could never work. I'm a sanguine and you're a phlegmatic.
God loves me and must have a better plan for my life.
You know, I feel like I'm dating my brother.
At least I got a lot out of our Bible studies together.
You need someone with lower standards.
I think we should just be prayer partners.
And the number one break-up line...

I do love you, but it's just agape now.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Com hia !!! Oya talk