ON A BAD GUY P ?

I'm on a bad guy p 

I'm on a bad guy p

I'm on a bad guy p

And the beat go boom like the black eyed peas

First things first I’d like to say ‘With all due respect’ (hehehehe lawyers) that that black eyed peas part ehn???????????

Anyways in case you didn't know, I just quoted the chorus of the song 'Bad Guy P' by an artiste called L.O.S. I'm not sure why I did that though seeing as the lyrics of the song have little or nothing to do with what I’m trying to say in this post. Just bear with me n my nonsense.

Back to the matter, a friend of mine, Lara (her real name starts with L but doesn’t end with ‘ara’) first got dumped sometime in April oh. It was quite a brutal one. Kayode(real name) just came back from Queen Mary, armed with his LLM and Madam no gree us hear word. She finished us on instagram with pictures from the welcome party, capturing every single thing from Kayode’s mom’s gele malfunction to the dog stealing meat in the corner of the kitchen, all the while ignoring my pings for the whole day.

It’s not what you think o, I was actually happy for her abeg. The guy’s popc had helped him set up something nice in Abj and he was already getting himself a place in Zone 5 so my darling L had been dreaming of proposal since she met the folks in January.

February came and they did dinner on Valentine’s Day. No surprises. Nothing special. Babe even kept quiet when she thought she had been talking too much. Even went to the ladies when she wasn’t feeling like it. All so he could compose himself and stage his surprise. Notin o.

March came (Lara’s month). By this time Uncle K had moved to Abj and flew her over for her birthday. You go fear shopping and preparation. (Remind to tell you about the lies we told her CAC Pastor father so she could travel for one week). Anyhoo birthday night they went to some Chinese place. I kept staring at my phone, waiting for the big announcement. Just like Bisola. And Peju. We were just sure it wud happen. Dinner came n ended. They went back home together. Still on still, ko si shingbain(please correct that spelling).

Then in April, Kayode sent the ‘We need to talk’ text. The summary is sha dat he is not doing again. He had done some deep thinking and decided to chill. Meanwhile me I have been noticing one scary lookin babe liking all his fb updates and even twice tagging him in pictures (Yes, I stalk like that, just like you). She went to QMUL too and she’s nowhere as hot as my friend.

One randomTanya/Shaniqua/Janice/Ebony/Aaliyah/Diamond/Jasmine looking black charcoal babe like that.

Lara cried a river  the atlantic till June oh then started tellin us how he was even a jerk oh and how she had lost money around him like twice and how he had managed to ‘forget his wallet’ once in a while when they went shopping. She even said she suspected the babe who cleaned his flat in Abuja was doing more than that, amidst many horrible stories. Ah ! Babe and you were waiting for proposal!

‘thislagosgirl, you will never understand’ she told me

‘Please make me’. She just shook her head and didn’t say more.

Since then Lara has been avoiding men like the plague until two Fridays ago when she went for Sisters with soul abi wetin be dat Mary J. Blige concert sef. Yours truly did not go. I am not in that feminist, men-are-the-devil phase abeg. Also salary never enter so I have to behave. She met this Tony guy (were there guys at that show?) there and never got off the phone afterwards.

On Sunday night, outside Ikeja Shoprite(yes oh, that public car park), Tony wozed her a hot slap after just one week. I was so pissed. Me I don’t even just like the Tony.

‘What do you do Tony ?’

‘I’m an independent producer’, he said smugly, twisting his goatee. Mschewww

‘What does that mean?’

‘I produce here and there’. Please what is that?

‘I see. So where do you stay?’I continued, ignoring the daggers in Lara’s eyes.

‘Around Gbagada’

‘Where exactly?’

‘Charly Boy Area’

‘Huh?’ aproko me would have figured out the truth if Lara hadn’t cut me off oh. Now he is slapping her. Rubbish.

Five minutes ago, I sent Lara a message on whatsapp asking  her not to forget to bring my beads to church tonight and she replied that she was going for karaoke with Tony . Na wa ! I sharply went into the bathroom to call her and trust me, I should have saved my credit.

I know this is an over flogged issue but us girls sha, there’s just no stopping us when it comes to these horrible guys. Ergo the question from time immemorial ,

WHY DO GOOD GIRLS LIKE BAD GUYS?

Remember this same ‘Bad Guy P’ syndrome made Satan give Eve the apple before she became bad. She was still a good girl na, don’t you remember? I’m sure if it was Adam the good boy she won’t have taken it.

Anyways there are so many theories

·        Jerks have some good qualities too so girls rationalize away the bad parts and see only the good(especially if he’s cute)

·        Nice guys are boring and predictable

·        Most bad guys are hot (and they know it. That’s why they turn bad in the first place)

·        The bad ones are more secure and mysterious. Confident too. Plus they unleash your inner bad girl and get your juices flowing.

Any more reasons ? Why the Bad Guy P? I thought it was old and only happened to teenage girls. Am I missing something? Please explain to me.

As for Lara, she’s definitely permanently on a bad guy P ……. And there’s no stopping her until Tony (I suspect that’s not his real name) beats her into a coma.

So any thoughts ?