NEW YEAR, NO BREAK

Hello All,

I know I'm late but what the hell ?

Happy New Year everyone. How did the holidays go? From what I’ve been reading most people had a lot of fun and wayyy too much to eat. Mine wasn’t so fantastic. Only got the 25^th, 26^th and 1^st off work. So I was working viciously. I’d occasionally look through my phone and see posts and videos of people who, unlike me, have a life.

I also had malaria. Messed up timing. Apart from that it wasn’t so bad. Momc overfed me. I ran away from work every chance I got, got on skype every time I could and also watched a lot of movies. And as far as Christmas movies went, I totally enjoyed Madea Christmas. I also did love Best Man Holiday even though I was sure I wouldn’t. As for Black Nativity, I wish I had bought the DVD in traffic or better still watched it at a friend’s house.

Nuff said. What are your resolutions by the way? I notice everyone seems to be obsessed with weight loss these days. Na una sabi. Me I can’t even resist food. Everybody knows. I also notice Atilola’s post has been touching people’s hearts. Nice stuff. Good to read from peeps who have been on break for lightyears.

I’d promised myself I would not do a post about ‘break’. Apart from the fact that almost everyone has written on it, really, why bother?

But then I remember my old boyfriend back in school. Choi that guy suffered on top break matter oh. Break was his official punishment upon four strikes. If I say ‘Call me at ten’, 10.05 is okay. 10:10, not cool and that is strike one. More serious offences like buying shawarma at Akoka instead of going to Finicky would be a double strike. Upon four strikes, we would definitely go on break I kid you not. Of course, I didn’t ever spell it out. It was an unspoken rule and I followed it to the letter.

I don’t remember how many breaks we had in the whole course of the relationship. Despite everything, he still kept misbehaving and striking, thus necessitating more and more breaks. I was just a young, stubborn and unreasonable teenager.

That was years ago when breaks meant a time for the breaker to actually get a break, sulk and bask in getting the apologies, bribes and the high that came with being the controlling party while for the breakee, it was a period for humility and sober reflection on sins committed, a period to abstain from food,drink and worldly pleasures, to put on sackcloth and be covered in ashes, all the while awaiting a revelation on how best to appease the breaker.

If you ever did this, I hope you now know that the meaning of the word ‘break’ has changed. If you are engaged to a guy, sit down and talk things out. Do not take any nonsense break. Not even for 24 hours. If you do, you will realize rather late that in that time an offspring can be conceived and before you say Pete Edochie, your dream of bearing the heir apparent will come crashing like a Dana plane. Why would you invest for years and your child will now be the second child? Please be wise. When you are breathing fire and he calls your bluff, you bera have a rethink. Our people say when a mouse laughs at the cat, it is because there is a hole nearby.

And I think these breaks are even worse than breakups. When I get out of a relationship, I go through all the phases and a few extra (and I imagine most people do as well). It takes a couple of months to move on but I guess once it’s a break, a three day period is more than enough. Scary stuff!!! Omo na to dey behave myself oh because I still plan to hook an American celebrity.

And yes people, keep up the writing this year. People like me are always at work and your posts are a few of my favourite things. How else would I stay sane?

Have a fabulous year!!! Love y’all much.

xoxo