Saturday, March 1, 2014


Long time no post abi ? Its work o! Best believe me, its work. This my office is stressful oh! And to think I was in a hurry to leave my old place. It is true what they say, that the cow that is in a hurry to go to America, will surely come back as corned beef.  Whenever I hear people say they work for their money I always yimu. But mehn now I just realised what that phrase means. I am stressed people. I am working hard. Eating more but losing weight.  Ha!!! It is well. The up side is that I no longer have to worry about the weight I was complaining about earlier. I never see work na why I dey fat. Right now mehn my office is my gym and my computer my treadmill.

Apologies for the tacky metaphor. Seeing as nothing is happening in my life outside work, I only have work gist for you. Hmmm so where do I start?

Our HR officer has gone and a new one has replaced her. This woulda made more sense if I had been updating regularly cos you’d understand why this is blogworthy. But let me summarise. The babe was just a sourpuss. She just hated me for no reason, and I her for good reason. Lol.

When I first got here six months ago, she was on leave so the head of HR gave me my induction and all the welcome crap. When she resumed she was very nasty to me and my colleague. She’d see me around and ask why I’m not on my seat.

“I checked on you since. It seems you have been on break for more than one hour” in her Yoruba accent. My colleague and I promptly nicknamed her “scarecrow”.

We’re not supposed to eat in the office so everytime she comes into our office, she makes noise about how she can smell imaginary food. One day she called my office extension and she kept yelling my name. I answered and she kept yelling. And I go “Yeah I can hear you”. So she says ‘how dare you say yeah to me’ and slams the phone. So my colleague asked what happened and I start to narrate. Meanwhile after slamming, this woman actually got up from her desk and started running towards my office. So I was still narrating the phone conversation to my colleague when she ran in, yelling how I need to be taught manners and ethics. How dare I say yeah blah blah. And I am actually talking about her and bad mouthing her after being rude etc.  All this in my first week. This babe was just my nightmare and was always looking to put me in trouble.

Sidenote: We’re actually on the same level. She is not my superior. And by virtue of category and salary, I earn more. She’s married though and has been there for close to a decade so I know she’s older. Sometimes my colleague and I say she’s probably frustrated and has reason to hate us.
So, you can imagine my joy and delight, brethren when Admin officer came in to announce that she would be leaving. Sad part was I had to donate money for her parting gift. But oh well, I did it. Gladly. Why do babes hate each other?

I don’t know why I have bad luck with H.R. though. The head of H.R. always complains about stuff but to my friend who is also in my department, never to me. On Friday my friend said he expressed displeasure about us opting out from one Staff Welfare stuff. The way the thing goes is that they deduct from your salary every month to fund a welfare account. The explanation is that they will keep it so people can get loans and also gifts when leaving. I did a quick mental calculation and thought that’s a lot of money and not a lot to spend it on. Also the mail came in with one voluminous pdf attachment which I just couldn’t be bothered to read plus as a rule I never borrow. I don’t see myself needing a loan. There’s been one or two extreme cases and at those times I just ask family. I don’t pay rent or have kids and I can’t borrow to buy gadgets or travel. I just feel it’s not responsible. Also the scheme doesn’t let u borrow more than you have put in. Anyways the important part is that it’s not compulsory so feel free to opt out otherwise the automatic deduction starts month end. Which I did. And dude has been mad ever since. Please I need honest answers. What have I done wrong?

One more office gist. We have this dispatch man who also just got replaced. If you see dis guy ehn ? Swaggu dripping. Always grumbling and never wanting to go on errands. Can complain for Africa. And his job is only to dispatch official mails and that’s only for those within Lagos. For those outside Lagos there’s someone else to go to DHL office. Anyhoo this guy always grumbles when I try send him out. And he’s so full of himself. Remember how I didn’t get the holidays off? I tried to send him on an errand on the 31st and he refused saying he had to go to church for the 31st night service which was to start by 4 pm!!!!!

Anyways we have this big client/sponsor and he was sent on an errand to their office. Meanwhile there were some of our other staff there already having a meeting. One of them was chargin his phone and this dispatch man proceeded to take the phone. Lol. And so when the guy noticed he lodged a complaint, not knowing that the ant that ate the vegetable is part of the vegetable. Lmao. Dispatch man was questioned and he denied and threatened. Not knowing he had been caught on camera. Dude was like 50 metres away from the phone. The camera showed the way his eyeballs bulged when he saw the phone at the other end of the long sofa. He then kept moving over slowly till he reached the other end and took it and promptly removed the battery. He was dismissed immediately and that was the end of Solomon Grundy.

The new man is friendly and humble. And all is well with the world. 
Thanks to the two people who checked. I am fine. Just been busy.

Much love

Oh and if you dare, add me on 75B33997

Have a pleasant week and forgive the typos and gbagauns. You know I hate reading over.


  1. Haha this is gist for dayssss

    I'm suspecting you though, how come the HR lady and dispatch guy just left the office for you. Confess my friend! You went to pray on their heads abi hahaha

    Kai the guy stole the phone....a whole "I want to be in church for 31st service".... judgement day no go funny o.

    Lol who knows I just might add you up....#jokes no way!

  2. Very interesting gist.....there is always drama where 2 or 3 humans are gathered...ahaha....nope! I don't see where you did wrong to opt out of a welfare programme, it's your money you worked very hard for and you are not expecting any loan or gift from them either, and as per the HR, hmmm, maybe because you earn more than her since you are both on the same level though stayed longer in the same position...transfer of aggression maybe? happy for you she resigned......and for Solomon Grundy,aka 'light-fingers' am glad he was caught o, if not, everybody would have become a suspect in the office which would be a dent to people's image and reputation.

  3. Lol! Wow, girl, I love your office gist. Glad you're able to breathe easier at work now. I dare and I'll add you on bbm. Haha!

  4. Lol! Wow, girl, I love your office gist. Glad you're able to breathe easier at work now. I dare and I'll add you on bbm. Haha!

  5. Lol what a whirlwind! I love office gist. More please!

  6. The dispatch guy reminds me of our office assistant who I dealing with right now...she is so much trouble to my neck...this your office na wah but then again, I have more drama from my office that I am dealing with.

  7. Office politics :) The happenings in your life make for an interesting read.
    But the contribution thing? Sometimes they say something is not compulsory officially, but unofficially it is. Maybe crosscheck the rules of engagement? These little things can matter down the line . . .

  8. Office things...i think its the same in all offices. I often want to quit and go somewhere else, but then i think about it. What if where i'm going is worse than where i am....

    Nice blog too.

  9. office things....hmmmm. In the end, we have to get paid abi?

  10. Having beef with office people is the norm. Its almost inevitable unless you want to please everyone. Fun read.

  11. Kai, see the gist i missed. Grundy though, smh

  12. hehehheheheheheh This is a very very Funny post, and All i can say is: I am glad to be here. I will ff right away. Cheers to more blogging days, and to less Hiatus. :)


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