ADA OU CARO

You guys know I like French na hehehe. Well lemme just say the only inspiration for this post is the picture below which was someone's dp a couple of weeks ago. So I composed a draft and kept the picture. Lol. Even if you are a Neanderthal that just crawled out, I am pretty sure the picture explains worraimean.

Ehen jare so when I first saw it I used it as my dp and wrote  'Which one are you ?'

All of my friends started pinging saying Ada Ada Ada. Yea right !!! Babes that when you see them you will just start whistling the song by reflex. Yeye babes.

To be honest I don't even like the Caro song. I like the Ada Ada way better. Not cos of the message but it just generally sounds cleaner. These days I can't watch a music channel for one straight hour. Call me whatever you want but all these videos/lyrics are just way too dirty for me mehn. By the time I watch three songs there's already something that is making me wanna change the channel.

But back to the matter which one is really better ? Back in our parent's days, it was the Adas that had it oh. A Caro did not stand a chance mehn. Even till now they still see it that way.

I remember my aunt who used to live with us and didn't get married until she turned 34. Absolutely sweet and delightful woman. She would give us sweets and all the things we were not allowed to eat before the folks came back at night. When she turned 30 , momsie's theory was that there was something wrong spiritually. Popsie said she must have been a Caro back then. Momsie vouched for her sister lol but when she turned 32 , momsie started to agree with the theory, especially since she had been praying for her since and there was no way God wouldn't have answered, if my dear Aunty hadn't offended the Lord.

'Afterall we don't know what happened when she was in school'. Ah ! see backstabbing sister.

Anyway her friends threw her a surprise for her 33rd when she met this dude who just came to visit his folks and who came by chance to pick his sister. They got married on her 34th and she moved to Yankee with him. Perfect Nollywood type story. She's got three kids now and we still keep in touch on facebook.

But the point is when it comes to these things I believe some people are just lucky. Y'all know of the popular Nigerian semi porn star who just got engaged. Meanwhile the Deeper Life Church off my street is full of chics in their thirties who do not miss any mid week program. Sometimes I wonder if they don't all go to work. Now I'm not saying some of these chics are not undercover Caros under the umbrella skirt and threaded braids oh. Yes they have skeletons in their closets but let's face it, a good number are actually good girls who are waiting on the Lord and the Lord alone and managing their 45k a month pay while some others are screwing their way to the top despite having an Aristo and a fiance on the side. Life is nowhere near fair.

I remember one of my rooms back in school. We were 5 - 2 Adas, 1 hybrid(or if you like Carad), and 2 Caros, and we would all preach to the Caros to change their evil ways as they would wear their heels and say goodnight while we tucked ourselves in after night devotion.

Caro 1 got engaged in final year and boyfie's dad sent her for Masters in Bradford during NYSC. She returned with her MBA and got NYSC certificate like the rest of us that served. Has a fat paying job now.
Caro 2 is also married. Funny story one day she had a fyt wit an Aristo over money and they ended up yelling and he chased her out of the car. She got down and slammed the door and he zoomed off. She kept walking(this was on Awolowo way Ikoyi at 11.30 pm and she was still coming to UNILAG). Someone parked beside her. She thought the man went to turn around. Alas it was this hawt fine piece of chocolate. She gave him a very stupid story which is subject for another post. Anyway he brought her back to school and the rest is history. They have a son now and yet he got her mom a car for her 50th. They have both moved to jand and refused to come back.
Carad just got married last month. She has a boring government job.
Ada 1 just got a boring job too. She does Iyanapaja to Ikoyi everyday on one yamayama salary. No toaster in the past 6 months.
Ada 2 yours truly can't complain but mehn this job won't do it for me very soon oh.

Summary is Caros can get lucky and Adas can get screwed over. You sef think of it. You know how many times you've seen those your friends who used to 'fire pass ferrari' at the airport or on instagram who look like they've got it all figured out and you ain't got squat. Like I said life is nowhere near fair and some people are just lucky.


CARO DUN LEAVE STORYYYYYYY AHHHHH

HOOK UP …..1

One random Friday night, me and my home girl/ room- mate/gossip mate from law school, Andrea had been gisting and exchanging stories on men and all their wahala lol. Andrea’s ish is story for another post. So anyways we talk about men and all the other related stuff.

On Saturday, Andrea starts chatting with me and goes

‘Babe I gave some guy your number’

‘Huh? ’

 Andrea and I have really been tight for a while oh, I’ve been more Gidi and she’s been more Abj yeah but whenever I go to Abj we’ve hooked up and painted the town black. We’ve shared good, bad and ugly times. Anyone who’s been there knows law school friends stick close mehn. The crazy stuff you share in that one year are enough to bind you for a lifetime.

Anyways so Andrea says this guy would call me. I was going to ask her if I gave off any vibes during our chat that sounded desperate enough for her to pimp me out but I surprisingly kept quiet. So she gave me the low-down – you need not worry, he’s not stupid or irresponsible, my big brother’s friend and their whole circle of friends know he doesn’t have any skeletons in his closet, nice, wealthy, virgin, banker ………………..

She was typing very fast.

‘PAUSE’ I type   ‘Babes please slow down and back up to that virgin part abeg’

‘Hahahahah well I’m not very sure. I just suspect it but he’s a very decent guy sha’

I was not sure what to make of this part. Anyways she went on to say he’s somebody to grab and not let go of.  Emphasis on tall, good looking and wealthy, fair (Don’t ask me what the relevance of this is).  His name is emmmm lets say Sean Penn. First time ever someone was trying to hook me up. I honestly was not upset, like I thought I would.  So I told her no problems

Sunday afternoon I totally forgot to take my phone off silent after church. When I got back I started fixing the mess I had made in the morning. My zip snapped (first time I realized I was adding weight) and so I had to pick something else impromptu. My earring also rolled under the bed and so I had to drag out the whole jewelry box for an alternative. Of course I was playing music to help make things easier. By the time I was done arranging, I had three missed calls from a strange number. I guessed it was Sean Penn.  Andrea calls my phone around 6 p.m. to complain that Sean Penn had called her. So I just apologized and said I did not know where my phone was at the time.

So Sean Penn called back when I was having dinner and I told him to gimme twenty to finish. Twenty two minutes later he sends me a text:

‘OLUWALAGOSGIRL, HOW MANY MORE SECONDS?????????????’

Ha I don enter today. Anyways when we eventually spoke the conversation was not so bad. He however said he was in a bad mood seeing as he just saw an accident happen as he drove by third mainland.

I was to find out eventually that this would be one of many bad moods. So anyhow we go on talking all week till we finally hook up Saturday. We were to hook up in Ikeja at noon and he had threatened me not to keep him waiting. When I stepped out he said sorry he can’t make noon again. I went inside and sat back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. And I reeeeally hate waiting.

The date sha happened somewhere in G.R.A.  His food was crap and he whined on and on about it. I told myself not a deal breaker I can whine too. Also he said he was in a bad mood as he just learnt someone he had known had died. Next we were to do movie. Ikeja and Yaba were out of the question because he hates public places. Surulere also as he wasn’t familiar with the place and not willing to take directions. And so on to Lekki we went.

Me I didn’t see the movie thing coming so I was like we’d watch whatever.  We watched a really nice movie. Halfway through he said:

‘Please let’s get out of here’

‘To ?’

‘I’m in a bad mood plus I’m feeling sleepy. Will go to Epe and sleep for a while then drop you home later’

‘Epe ke? I’m enjoying this movie oh so I’m not going nowhere’

Mr promptly removed his glasses and handed to me then leaned way back in the seat and dozed off. So much for a date. He woke up at a point when everybody screamed and clapped. I couldn’t see his facial expression but the way he slumped back in his seat, I was just sure he was disappointed the movie wasn’t over yet. He was soooooooo quiet and grouchy all through the ride back, I started pinging random peeps to form activity.

To cut the long boring story short, here’s a list of other random reasons why it’s just a no for me. I’ll list a few and keep some details

·        On the movie incident, much later he told me why would anyone spend two full hours in one short day watching a movie when there were so many other valuable things to be done. Even at home his TV almost never comes on. He prefers to sit in the dark and listen to messages. This shocked me first because the cinema was his idea and secondly because I find his point of view a bit outrageous. This doesn’t mean I am right but I don’t see it ever working.

·        He doesn’t seem to be my type. Very religious yeah but our views are different. To him I’m like the worst sinner in the world. My friends see me as conservative. No outrageous hair colours, no tattoos and my cleavage is never out. He likes girls totally natural and once refused either to move or come out of the car when a girl he was supposed to hang out with turned up wearing shorts. God forbid that he be seen with her.

·        He’s over 30 and has only dated once and the fact that I have three exes already under 30 is scary for him. He told my friend point blank that it is too much experience.

·        He says he compares a lot of girls with his late mum who till her death brought her entire salary and bank statements to his dad on her knees on every pay day. When I laughed if he asked if I could do this, he didn’t say much. Andrea later told me he said I will be struggling with him for the headship of our home. On the other hand, married big sis said her hubby was also uptight but ended up changing. She also said to look on the bright side that he would never cheat.

·        We had a row when I refused to break down the way I spent my salary to the letter. I was laughing but he did not find the conversation funny at all. Honestly I thought he was joking oh ah ah. Even my popsie has never asked me that. Andrea all the while kept saying I should stop being stubborn.

·        Finally he was always calling to keep tabs. And you guys know I sit next to my boss who can see my screen. I said pls I can’t do calls during working hours. Except lunch time. I can only chat once in a while. E-mails are the best cos just like blogging I can keep a straight face and nobody knows what I’m typing. Bross got pissed and totally stopped talking to me. Not heard from him ever since.

Yes, this guy exists. God knows I have not exaggerated or embellished this story.  He is a banker in 21^st century Lagos.

I don’t know if you find this odd but my conclusion is ……………….. NAH BRUV, ITS NOT WERKING FER ME

P.S.  After about a month, he apologized on Saturday night ie day before yesterday and I said I’m okay but I just don’t see another date happening. Whats the point? Finally Andrea is with me on this one. Am I unserious ?

HOOK UP ?

Warning :

Boring rant ahead. Proceed at your own risk.


Ehen so two of my friends(one a close friend and roomate from law school) and the other (colleague at work) have recently hooked me up.

Both stories have ended (mildly put ) disastrously. I'm not even sure what went wrong sef. But I wanna ask, has anyone been randomly hooked up with successful results before ? Or maybe I should just go ahead and narrate the whole stories sef so that you guys can tell me whether I goofed or not. I'm not burnt oh and trust me I am not looking for some yeye 'closure' cos I really didn't like any of them (maybe that was the problem sef) but then I'm hopin to see if my views are warped or something.

In other news back when I was ill I found out I had piled on a whopping extra 7kg of nonsense. Meanwhile I had been ill for a while and lost weight while stubbornly self-medicating at home so I take it I added a total of about 10 kg. I am not very vain or anything but all the weight is obviously in my tummy. Veeery embarassing. 

So who knows something apart from exercise that works abeg ? Spa ? Doctor ? (no knives though)

Oh yes and please do not forget my hook up question ?  For me twice is one too many. I won't be doing the nonsense again. Sadly none of my oversabi friends will get to read this.

Any thoughts ? Or should I just spill the full gist and wait for comments ( I'm good once your'e not cussin my mama)

xoxo

ATERMOIEMENT S'IL VOUS PLAIT

 

First of all please forgive the gbagauns (if any) you might trip over on d way. As usual, yours truly (employee of the year) is typing at work. At the same time I am preparing three other reports. So I will be doing one paragraph per tab and then moving on to the next tab like that until I’m done with all four. After which I shall forward to the appropriate quarters/publish without reading over.

Please this is a serious matter and I in no way intend to make light of it. Procrastination is one of my biggest problems. It’s something I pray about. I actually wait till I have just enough time not to get in trouble before I get started on stuff. And this is what I constantly do. All the time.  Without fail. Is it a spirit?

It’s how I start my day. How I live my life. I don’t remember getting a task and jumping right in. I must wait. Even if just for ten minutes. It starts in the morning. I have 4 alarms (3 phones and a tab). Why you making that face? I have two SIM cards like every normal Nigerian. The third is an ugly office phone over which I have no control.

Okay so as I was saying I have daily alarms each five minutes away from each other e.g. I have to get up at 5.30 so

Phone 1 – 5.00

Phone 2 – 5.05

Phone 3 – 5.10

Phone 4 – 5.15

At which point I snooze phone 4 for 10 minutes till 5.25 then I wake and stay still (either lying down or sitting) till I finish booting at 5.30 before I put my feet on the ground(it’s dangerous to pray lying down). I then start slowly on whatever I have to do so I can be on time. I constantly plan and time irrelevant stuff because I know I just never have a sense of urgency about anything and I’d definitely run late if I don’t constantly breathe down my own neck.

Don’t know if this is making any sense oh but I’m feeling bad about it. Since  I haven’t  made any progress regarding my New Year’s resolutions in November, I have decided to work on just one of my weaknesses to at least feel good about myself during December appraisal.

Oh yes my topic. French and sexy abi ? U neva jam lol. It actually means ……………………………………………………………………… wait for it ……………………………………………………………………………………… PROCRASTINATION PLEASE !.  Don’t ask me why abeg, just go with the flow. Don’t judge a post by its title.

 

Oh and yes my health is good now. Thank you muchos  muchos. One more day of rest would have perfected it but oh well, I will stalk your blogs and be fine.

Do have a productive week

xoxo

 

SIIIIIIICCCCKKKK

I'm ill. Too ill to shout. Or type fast. Or think straight. Or stalk blogs. I just feel super messed up ryt now. Honestly I'm even bored. Have stuff to write.

 However, the lizard would like to stand erect, but his tail won't let him.

Say a prayer for moi

xoxo